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Category Archives: on the lighter side

Consummating the revolution

In the vein of this post, found the following at TLD; no dedicated URL for it, so I’m reposting it in its entirety here:

Let us consummate the revolution! [Guest opinion.] I am a nice-looking, youngish high-school teacher (of English, if you must know), and almost every year at least one underage girl will make it clear to me that she would like to have sex with me. Or would like to do whatever this generation says isn’t sex, but which my father’s generation thought was.

I always turn these sweet offers down. I am not eager to lose my job and never be able to work in any school system again except in Thailand. I am not eager to lose my family. I am not eager to go to prison. I am not eager to spend my golden years with neighbors who are warned that a sex-criminal crouches slavering in their midst. And I am not eager to be questioned every time there’s an AMBER Alert.

But I do wonder … I am forbidden by law to enjoy the company of these girls in ways that would be — well, at least not illegal — in just a few short years. This strikes me as age-discrimination. And not only that, but I am required by law to engage in age-discrimination.

The girls are encouraged by law to engage in age-discrimination, since they may cavort freely with lads their own age who may be just using them for rough exploratory purposes, whereas I am gentle and experienced. They are deemed wise enough and mature enough to choose young partners, and (unbeknownst to their parents) to obtain medications and devices to support their cavorting, as well as (also unbeknownst to their parents) surgeries should the medications or devices fail or be left forgotten at a girlfriend’s home. But the law wishes them to discriminate against me. Solely on the basis of their age, they are deemed not to be wise enough or mature enough to cavort with me.

Surely, this is a situation that cannot long endure in our discrimination-sensitive age. Love equality will surely make its force felt soon. Perhaps someone from the Cato Institute will take the lead. None of us is getting any younger. [Arnold Zeck]  Ω

Spot on, and funny. The laws regarding age of consent are not reason-based but purely emotion-based.

 

Dead morbidly obese people being cremated burn out of control, so stop cremating them

‘Overly obese’ body sparks Ohio funeral home fire

A crematorium in Ohio caught fire while burning the remains of an “overly obese” body, according to the owner.

Don Catchen said the corpse caused flames to engulf one of his units in the city of Cincinnati.

The fat in the body burned at a higher temperature, prompting the blaze, said the city fire chief.

This isn’t the first time I’ve read a story like this; there were a pair of them in 2012:

Dead obese woman had so much body fat she set the building on fire during her cremation

Austrian crematorium officials have blamed a deceased woman’s obesity for causing a blaze which had to be tackled by firefighters.

Firemen in the southern city of Graz were covered in thick sticky soot as they tried to prevent the blaze from taking hold of the building.

The case has been widely reported in Austrian media, including in the ORF – the country’s equivalent of our BBC – and has ignited calls for a weight limit on bodies to protect against future fires.

Surge in Obesity Sparks Crematorium Blazes

The crematorium employee in the western German town of Hamelin took a last look at the coffin before pushing it inside the furnace. This was the third coffin he had processed on the morning of January 13, and the body itself weighed over 200 kilograms (440 pounds). Of that, only two kilograms of ashes were supposed to remain after cremation. But, 15 minutes later, flames shot out of the crematorium’s 10-meter-high (33-foot-high) stainless-steel chimney, and parts of it began to melt.

Unable to bring the fire under control, the employee called the fire department. Firemen determined that the smoking chimney was glowing at 600 degrees Celsius (1,100 degrees Fahrenheit). They cooled it from the side and used an infrared camera to track the spread of heat through the building. It took four hours to reduce the body in the furnace to ash.

Anyway, cremation is for heathens; we Christians should avoid it, as Chesterton hinted.

That way, we’ll never cause embarrassment of the above kind to our living relatives after we’ve passed…

As for the law, we really ought to ban huge people from being cremated…

 
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Sure, and it’s a culture war – and a meme war, too!

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 17, 2017 in humour, on the lighter side, The Kulturkampf

 

Witches cast ‘mass spell’ against Donald Trump; evangelicals over-react, freaking out in fear

Double, double toil and trouble,. Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!

Most of Donald Trump’s opponents believe they will have to wait four more years to see him leave the White House.

But America’s witches are more optimistic.

That’s the spirit! The can-do attitude that built America, and made it great!

At the stroke of midnight on Friday, followers of witchcraft across the US performed a mass spell designed to remove the president from office.

Clearly, it must have worked! Wait, no; Trump is still President, progs! Better try again…

A Facebook group devoted to the ritual has attracted over 10,500 likes, and coined the hashtag #magicresistance.

Ooh, a Magic Resistance! Now you see them; now you don’t! Amen! 😉

The development has sparked fury among Christian conservatives, who have accused the witches of “declaring spiritual war”.

Idiots. Witches have always been at spiritual war with our Lord; now they’ve merely extended their war into the temporal realm, against a head of state; in theory, at least: doesn’t look like their spell worked. But if at first you don’t succeed, try, and try again, prog witches!

Writer Michael Hughes, who describes himself as a “magical thinker” posted a version of the spell online, saying he had seen multiple versions on private witchcraft groups.

Ooh, Magical Thinking! What progs are known for…

In it, he suggests using a stubby orange candle, an unflattering picture of Mr Trump, and a Tower tarot card.

Wouldn’t you want to build a Tower of Tower tarot cards, to make it bigger and more powerful? Make Witchcraft Great Again! 😉

Followers of magic are told to carve the president’s name into the candle using a pin, recite an incantation, and then burn his picture in the flame.

The words of the spell include a plea to the Wiccan deities to “bind Donald J Trump, so that his malignant works may fail utterly” and so that he “shall not break our polity, usurp our liberty, or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair”.

They needn’t worry; their minds are already filled with hate, confusion, fear and despair. (Too bad about the hate, but I’m sure enjoying their confusion, fear and despair, and you should, too! 🙂 )

Mr Trump’s supporters don’t escape either, as the spell asks that their “malicious tongues” be curbed too.

Well, have we deplorables been silenced? Nope! I guess our God is bigger than their Wiccan deities. 🙂

Mr Hughes suggests that instead of the normal closing line, “So mote it be!”, witches could burn the former Apprentice host’s image with the words, “You’re fired!”

Using Trump’s own words against him; so cute! Too bad it didn’t work. 🙂

The writer said he published details of the spell because he felt “it would be very welcome to a lot of people”.

Under the tenets of witchcraft, a “binding spell” does not wish harm on its target, but aims to stop them from doing harm themselves.

And yet they’re burning his picture in effigy. Doesn’t add up, does it?

MaryPat Azevedo, who took part in the ritual in Arizona, said she saw the ritual as “a unity prayer”.

She told the BBC: “A true witch would never cast a spell on anyone without their permission. This prayer is for wellbeing and peace for all beings.”

And did the Donald grant you his permission? Or are you not a true witch? D’Oh!

Ms Azevedo said she hopes to see “physical, emotional, and spiritual changes in Donald Trump and American politics”.

Me too. I’d love to see in Trump physical changes (him becoming even healthier, so that he may have a long, healthy and productive presidency), emotional changes (becoming thicker-skinned), and spiritual changes (hey, I’d love to see him become a faithful, orthodox, mature Christian). And I’d love to see all different manner of various changes in American politics, in a reactionary direction, of course.

Participating witches plan to repeat the spell on days when there is a waning crescent moon, until Mr Trump leaves the Oval Office. The next ritual is set for 26 March.

I’m sure President Trump is quaking in his boots!

Perhaps unsurprisingly, some of the president’s followers are less than thrilled.

Maybe a handful; the rest don’t know or care! 🙂

Joshua Feuerstein, an evangelical pastor who has previously condemned Starbucks for taking Christmas symbols off its seasonal red cups, issued an “urgent warning”, saying “millions of witches” were trying to curse the president.

“Their bippity-boppity-boo isn’t more powerful than the name of Jesus!” he declared in an online video.

Exactly, so relax, bro; the Lord has got this. Chill out!

The Christian Nationalist Alliance, a conservative religious group, named 24 February a “day of prayer” to counter the magical fraternity.

I’m sorry, under what authority do they declare the right to dictate to the rest of Christians to suddenly follow this festival / fast / whatever? They’re not a church governing body, but go nuts guys, if it makes you feel better.

In a post online, it called the witches “occultists” who want to summon dark spirits against Mr Trump.

True dat.

The group said it will urge people to pray every time the spell-casters reach for their candles.

People should always pray. They don’t need to think of this as some sort of contest where the side that prays the hardest will beat the other.

Thus far, Mr Trump has failed to comment on the battle between Bible and broomstick.

No, but he has disinvited you, BBC, to press briefings; that should give you an idea of what he thinks of your reporting and coverage overall, much less individual prog-straw-grasping-, silly ‘stories’ like this.

 

Vinegar Valentines

 
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Posted by on February 13, 2017 in humour, on the lighter side

 

And they expect to be taken seriously…

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(Related.)

 
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All your narrative are belong to us

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