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Author Archives: Matthew

About Matthew

Order from chaos.

One of these men is not like the others

Massawyrm, where are you?

I swear I don’t actually read aintitcool.com. Only maybe a glancing approach every other day. And I’m always disappointed at the lack of interestingness. Mostly because Massawyrm is effectively done writing there.

Anyway, the point of this post is that Massawyrm, my all time favorite movie reviewer, is one of the men in the included image, and he has Succeeded!, at least to the extent of co-writing a movie that Ethan Hawke will act in. Hawke may be a slut for indies, but he knows how to pick them.

Try to guess which man is the actual successful one. If you have any doubts, google “massawyrm”.

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2 Comments

Posted by on January 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

This is the worst thing ever in the entire history of all of it

I do not have, and there do not exist words for this. Are we sure the Ring was actually destroyed? This is a three-shot video, and I don’t mean it was filmed in three shots. Every half minute or so I had to stop the video and stagger around my house like Young Frankenstein in a casting call for Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on January 11, 2012 in Life is stranger than fiction

 

“The same preacher counseled her through all four divorces”

From a comment at Dalrock’s

She was never a “bad person” although she did have a couple of LTRs that “didn’t work out,” between her marriages. She’s generous and loving, and devoted to her children and her parents. Heck, the same preacher counseled her through all four divorces.

As opposed to kicking her ass out of the congregation and snubbing her in public. What part of “go and sin no more” is it that churchians have trouble understanding?

 
10 Comments

Posted by on January 6, 2012 in churchianity

 

The God of the Blacksmiths

First, before I descend to my customary snark, this is a beautiful depiction of smithery:

Now: Why isn’t Jesus the god of blacksmiths? How far badly down the hole wrong has Christianity gone that this fellow finds himself more able to revere an obscure deity? Lest we forget, Jesus of Nazareth was a carpenter, not a simonist attention whore in an expensive suit, nor a sodomite in a cassock, nor a pusillanimous pastor in a cheap suit. Vestments, icons, felt boards, hymnals, store-bought matzoh: put it all on the anvil, and let us forge-weld it into a sword.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on January 5, 2012 in Heresy

 

Athena Made Me Do It

Untold number of awesome points to the first commenter who gets the classical reference.

 
17 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2012 in Life is stranger than fiction

 

Double Standards: Founding Father Style

Samuel Adams:

In monarchy the crime of treason may admit of being pardoned or lightly punished, but the man who dares rebel against the laws of a republic ought to suffer death.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on December 27, 2011 in Fuck Yeah!

 

Therapy Bags

Coming soon to a school near you.

At a meeting with school district officials, the bag was described as a “therapy bag,” Baker said, though she wasn’t clear exactly what that meant. She said her son would sometimes be asked to roll over a bag filled with balls as a form of therapy, but she didn’t know her son was being placed in the bag. She said school officials told her it was not the first time they had put him in the bag.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on December 25, 2011 in Jail for Kids