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If Biblical events were covered by today’s media

12 Sep

Spot on! 🙂

bluebird of bitterness

Israelites crossing the Red Sea:

FRAGILE WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Law Enforcement Officials Slain While Pursuing Unruly Mob

David vs. Goliath:

CHAMPION OF RELIEF TROOPS KILLED IN HATE CRIME
Racial and Religious Prejudice Cited as Motivation

Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel:

WILDFIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS ACTIVIST INTO FRENZY
Hundreds Killed in Unprovoked Attack

The birth of Jesus:

HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS EJECTED FROM SHELTER
Animal Rights Advocates Threaten Lawsuit 

The wedding at Cana:

ITINERANT PREACHER ACCUSED OF MOONSHINING
Police Unable to Locate Still

Jesus feeding the five thousand:

FUNDAMENTALIST MINISTER STEALS CHILD’S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified by Leader’s Strange Behavior

Jesus healing ten lepers:

QUACK PREYS ON TERMINALLY ILL
Authorities Investigating Unlicensed Use of Non-Traditional Medicine

Jesus healing the man possessed by demons:

MADMAN CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer Faces Bankruptcy Following Loss of Hogs

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12 Comments

Posted by on September 12, 2016 in humour, on the lighter side, The Kulturkampf

 

12 responses to “If Biblical events were covered by today’s media

  1. feeriker

    September 12, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    The Resurrection:

    “Convicted Felon Fakes Own Execution, Vandalizes Tomb in the Process”

     
    • Will S.

      September 13, 2016 at 8:54 am

      🙂

      Communion:

      “Cult leader encourages followers to eat and drink his own body; body goes missing after execution”

       
  2. infowarrior1

    September 12, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    In modern era they certainly would try to have Jesus committed to an asylum.

     
  3. electricangel

    September 12, 2016 at 8:03 pm

    @Infowarrior: if he wasn’t the Son of God, then by what he was saying he was certifiable. Doesn’t mean he wasn’t also nuts, but I prefer the easier explanation.

    @Will, thanks for the laugh; it brightened my day.

     
    • infowarrior1

      September 12, 2016 at 10:27 pm

      Certainly a son of God. But that doesn’t change the fact that the modern secular state and substantial secular population will regard Jesus as a dangerous lunatic like David Koresh gathering a cult around himself.

      And given the current lack of belief in the supernatural interpret the miracles of Jesus as trickery and fraudulent roping in the gullible.

       
      • feeriker

        September 13, 2016 at 9:36 am

        It’s pretty much a given that if Jesus or any of His original 12 disciples were to return today, they’d be run out of the descendant of the church they founded. In fact, I rather doubt they’d ever even set foot in one of today’s “churches” as they would be unrecognizable from what they founded 2,000 years ago.

         
    • Will S.

      September 13, 2016 at 8:55 am

      You’re welcome! Thanks BoB, too, for the OP. 🙂

       
  4. Greg C.

    September 17, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    Here’s one from a future biblical event.
    The Rapture:

    MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE GLOBE MYSTERIOUSLY VANISH.
    Experts agree it is proof of the Governments cover-up of Alien life, beyond earth.

     
    • Will S.

      September 18, 2016 at 12:36 am

      🙂

      But you didn’t find a way to also blame Christians for it, the way we all know the media would… 🙂

       

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