Dispensationalists frantically adjust end-times charts to include Brexit vote

28 Jun

Ha! 🙂

bluebird of bitterness

FromThe Babylon Bee.

As Great Britain voted in favor of a motion to leave the European Union, premillenial dispensationalists around the world held emergency meetings Friday morning, frantically adjusting their prophetic charts to include the completely unanticipated new development.

“We’re thinking of calling this one ‘The Brexit Dispensation,’” Tim LaHaye told reporters as he hastily altered his precise wall charts to account for the new information. “We had previously thought that Saddam Hussein would be the one to usher in the one-world government, but that’s looking less likely now, so we’re going to make some official adjustments.” LaHaye added that the European Union might not be ushering in an age of one-world government after all, unfortunately.

Meanwhile in California, prophecy expert Dr. David Jeremiah of Shadow Mountain Community Church reportedly made an emergency early-morning phone call to Texas pastor John Hagee. “John, have you seen the news? This isn’t in any…

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11 responses to “Dispensationalists frantically adjust end-times charts to include Brexit vote

  1. feeriker

    June 28, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    You can’t parody these people because they do too good of a job of it themselves.

    And by the way, even secular cuckservitards, brainlessly warlike as they are, realize that it’s no longer the 1970s and have stopped publicly referring to the Land of the Bear as “the Soviet Union” and its governing inhabitants as “Communists.”

    Not Amoricon Dispensationalists, though. Nope, in that alternate universe it’s still 1979.


    • Will S.

      June 29, 2016 at 1:31 am

      Well, I thought the Babylon Bee did a pretty decent job, anyway. 😉

      Agreed about dispy cluelessness. I never tire of laughing at it. 🙂

  2. Bob Wallace

    June 28, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    What was it Jesus said about no one, not Him, not the angels, but only the Father knowing when it would end?

  3. infowarrior1

    June 28, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    Crawl into your bunkers guys. The world is still doomed. Doomed I say.

  4. Socially Extinct

    June 29, 2016 at 6:07 am

    Oh my…the additional printing costs! Maybe we can lose the color ink going forward, in the spirit of thrift?

    • Will S.

      June 29, 2016 at 11:27 am

      No! That’s the best part, that gets all true dispy believers all excited! 😉


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