Boko Haram demands 10 million retweets in exchange for kidnapped girls

22 May

We need more potshots at social media irrelevancy, like this amusing satirical piece.

BTW, check out BoB’s great collection of related cartoons under the post.

bluebird of bitterness

From The Duffel Blog.

NORTHERN NIGERIA — In an attempt to remain relevant in the face of NBA race scandals and celebrity elevator brawls, Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau agreed to release his school girl hostages as soon as the #BringBackOurGirls campaign reached 10 million retweets, sources confirmed Thursday.

“We will never release them until after your social media activism reaches a truly significant number of people,” tweeted Shekau, adding that he meant only those girls who have not converted to Islam and been married off to his fighters to live a life of submission and servitude.

In response to the new demands, Marine Corps Cyberspace Command unveiled a new Twitter task force of Marine Expeditionary Hashtaggers (MEH).

“This is a whole new theater of warfare,” said MARFORCYBER spokesman Lt. Col. Brock Ruggedsson. “The Marines of the MEH will significantly impact world events 140 outraged characters at a time. They will heed the…

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7 responses to “Boko Haram demands 10 million retweets in exchange for kidnapped girls

  1. John

    May 23, 2014 at 1:26 am

    Reminds me of the KONY 2012 campaign. The guy talks about a dictator who hasn’t been in power or relevant in 5 years, then goes to Africa and does poses with AK-47’s and warlords and when criticized he cites Ke$ha. Then he goes crazy and masturbates in public and gets a fine for it.

    Yet this is a cause people on social media took up. #KONY2012

    It becomes simple once you understand what social media is mostly used for. Social media CAN be a good outlet to disseminate ideas and information. What is it more commonly used for, is to give people feelings of accomplishment without accomplishing anything at all!

    Average subconscious thought of a person who partakes in these kinds of campaign: “I am a person who cannot help those in Africa, whether with money, time, or in person. Heck I hardly help those where I live in America! But hey, instead of sucking it up and doing long lasting good for the sake of doing good (or even pleasing God) I’m going to support this shady charity group which has a really cool and relevant hashtag with an awesome motivational speech. #Savinglives #Makingadifference

    The real men and women who want to do good… they do it directly or you don’t see them do it at all. They don’t want praise, they want to do good to please God. They either go to Africa directly, or they are in America helping the countless people who need help here. The ones who are too lazy to even get off facebook are the hashtag do-gooders. And when confronted with this argument they make some vague reference to “awareness” aka bullshit.

  2. Will S.

    May 23, 2014 at 2:56 am


    Michelle Obama puts on a frightened look and a pout, holds up a sign with a hashtag, and thinks that’s equal to actually doing something. It’s such bullshit. If her husband wanted to, he could actually do something; he’s the president of the United States, for Pete’s sake! But instead, the First Lady poses for a picture.

  3. Eric

    May 23, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    I think there’s a bigger picture here. Obama has been humiliated trying to steal oil reserves from Syria and Ukraine and is about to get chased out of the Middle East and the South China Sea altogether. Nigeria, though has significant oil reserves. This is just a big posturing media event to make the US look relevant internationally again and divert attention from the recent failures (and get their hands on some foreign oil at the same time).

    I predict it will backfire though. I read in the BBC that a group of professional Nigerian and other African safari guides and hunters have formed a militia and are going on a safari for Boko Haram. When they come back with the liberated girls and a cargo load of scalps, Obama will have to slink from Africa in shame.

    • Will S.

      May 23, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      That would be awesome!

  4. Eric

    May 23, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    I think if Boko Haram meets these guys they’d have a lot more to worry about than what’s said about them on Twitter lol:

  5. Will S.

    May 23, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    Indeed. 🙂


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