Don’t do ‘open marriage’ – a cautionary tale

23 Mar

So there was this young married couple I knew, who I typically didn’t get to see all that often because they lived somewhere I didn’t (except last summer). Both Christians, at least by upbringing and church affiliation. I’d been friends with them for some time – not super close, but I’d stayed over at their basement apartment a couple times, had dinner there, had been around for birthday and other parties, and the like. A bit over a year and a half ago, I heard from a friend that their marriage was ‘on the rocks’, that she’d apparently been unfaithful to him. I didn’t see any obvious indication this was so, when I saw them once subsequently, but I trusted the source. I saw them again last summer; things seemed largely fine between them. In fact, they ended up buying a new house together that summer, out in the sticks. Looked like a good sign.

Recently, I learned that some three months or so after that, now six months or so ago, they split. She lives in the home; he got another apartment somewhere. She’d cheated on him again. In fact she has a new boyfriend, already – presumably the last guy she cheated with. He’s moved in with her, into her and hubby’s new home.

What I have learned, which I’d heard part of the details beforehand but only now know more of the picture, is that buddy had insisted on an ‘open marriage’, presumably because he wanted the freedom to have some ‘tail’ on the side. Wifey had accepted – whether reluctantly or not, I have no idea. Guess what? Far as I can tell, it ended up that it was easier for wifey to find guys than hubby to find gals – though I think they did find a gal once for a threesome; I once met a new ‘friend’ of theirs at a party who was flirting with BOTH of them, and I was sure they were grooming her for a threesome, though I could be wrong. (Previously, accompanying both of them to a dance club in their city, had noticed them both being flirtatious with others.) Anyway, though, turns out hubby couldn’t handle wifey getting strange cock; got jealous. And not entirely unreasonably, as it looks like she ended up getting feelings for the last guy, as women tend to do for men by whom they get schtupped. Now she and new boyfriend live together in the house that she and her hubby had gotten together.

Don’t do it, brethren. Instead, “Rejoice in the wife of her youthmay her breasts satisfy you always.”

Not other women’s.

And never give her permission to have other men!

If you’re gonna marry, both be ‘all in’, just for each other. Else, why bother?


10 responses to “Don’t do ‘open marriage’ – a cautionary tale

  1. Novaseeker

    March 23, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    Of course. As between men and women of average attractiveness, women have it easier to find men they find attractive for sex. That isn’t the case for finding someone who meets the requirements of a marriage list, but for sex, sure. And an open marriage posits that the extra-marital partners are for sex — so huge advantage to the woman there in almost every situation unless the man is a total player.

    And, as you say, women tend to fall in love with their lovers, and put the lover in the “love” space, moving the hubby to the “love but not in love with” space, like her bio brothers.

    It’s a colossal error of judgment, even leaving aside the obvious moral problems involved. Even a secular person with no sexual morals whatsoever should avoid doing this, because, again, unless he has a significant attractiveness advantage over his wife, she wins this every single time.

  2. Will S.

    March 23, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    Exactly, Novaseeker. Spot on.

  3. CP

    March 23, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    Regardless, she should not get the house. Women should be entitled only to that which they entered the marriage with or generated. If she wants to split she should do so with absolutely none of the husbands houses, cars, money, etc. Mr. Cheater guy should also be forced to monetarily compensate the husband. These will be the new rules once order has been restored. Oh, and did I mention that the penalty for violating these rules will be corporal punishment?

  4. Will S.

    March 24, 2014 at 12:21 am

    She was working, so she would have a stake in some of the house, but I too wondered why they didn’t sell the place and split the proceeds somehow, instead of him just letting her have it.

  5. Professor Hale

    March 24, 2014 at 10:38 am

    They may not have sold the the place because they are underwater on the note. In such cases, it is a better financial decision to keep the house and let one member live in it, then to sell it at a loss, and then have to pay two rents on top of the loss.

    There may be a few very limited circumstances where open marriage is an acceptable option. Mostly for issues of inability to perform sexually. But this is just an accommodation, not an ideal solution.

  6. Will S.

    March 24, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Good point, Prof. Hale, regarding why they may not have sold it.

    I can see the situation you describe; I’ve heard of such situations. I am not convinced such would be morally defensible, but I could well understand why some might engage in that. But yeah, even if that were granted, not an ideal solution, indeed.

  7. Will S.

    February 7, 2015 at 1:37 am

    I have subsequently learned that the house had been paid for by the wife’s family, and the husband didn’t mind walking away from it, because he just wanted to be done with her. Maybe he felt some guilt over his role, or maybe he simply recognized they’d paid for it, and so it was more hers than his; I do know he didn’t feel like arguing about it, and just wanted to leave.

  8. infowarrior1

    March 4, 2016 at 3:02 am

    Open marriage= being cucked.

  9. Will S.

    March 4, 2016 at 3:46 am

    Yep! 🙂