What’s wrong with the ‘married Christians have better sex’ line of argumentation

02 Feb

It isn’t demonstrably, necessarily true; it isn’t relevant from a moral standpoint; and additionally, articles arguing such aren’t exactly helpful to mature, celibate Christians.

Thus argued a commenter who calls herselfmusicnote‘ on the article I linked in the previous post; here is her whole comment:


8:51 PM on February 01, 2014

As someone who is past 40, still a virgin (since I have never married and didn’t believe in pre-marital sex) and was brought up Baptist. I’m really tired of the misinformation that evangelicals, Reformed, fundamentalists, and Baptists keep dishing out about sex.

Take the sub heading on this page that declares “married sex is better,” as if to imply that is a reason people should stay celibate until marriage. The Bible does not use the argument that one should abstain until marriage because “married sex is better.” As I’ve been investigating the topics of sex, marriage and so on for the past few years, I have seen many evangelicals (and even Non Christians) admit (in articles, books, and to advice columnists) that though they were virgins until they married that their married sex lives were terrible, or, after so many years, one partner lost interest, so the marriage became devoid of sex.

The only time I see these problems mentioned in Christian publications such as this one, are under the “marital advice” columns. However, when Christians are dishing out propaganda to get teens to stay virgins, you guys go into “married sex is mind blowing” mode.

The truth is that married sex is not great for everyone all the time. Some married couples (who were virgins until marriage) report having terrible sex lives or none at all.

By the way: in that Christian culture does not support adults who are literally virgins past their mid 20s, they cannot claim in all honesty to support virginity / celibacy.

Many Baptist and evangelical (and other conservative Christian churches) ignore older singles. They prefer instead to lavish attention, sermons, and funding on under age 25 youth or on married couples who have children.

While you guys are sitting around writing editorials about sexual intercourse, and lamenting about prostitution and pre marital sex, you are not helping celibate adults.

You are not publishing interviews with Christians who are virgins over the age of 30 and asking them for their input and what their lives are like (other celibates might find that beneficial or helpful, to at least have a Christian publication acknowledge that there are virgins over the age of 30).

Simply saying, “be abstinent before marriage” in an article or two (and ones mostly about teens and 20 somethings) is not addressing the issues that adult, mature celibates face and deal with.

Stop focusing on sexual purity for the under 25 demographic (purity is for all age groups), when there is a huge, huge number of single Christian men and women over 25 who are virgins, many of whom hope to get married, but they have not found a partner.

Adult celibate singles get no support from Christian society, rarely any online material, no special ministries for us, and churches ignore us and our specific needs and problems.

While one might argue that churches’ lack of support for people like her is a separate matter from the other (and not without some justification, though one can well appreciate why she seems to bring it up a lot in her comments – it’s a matter of importance to her, and as a fellow single 40-something I get where she’s coming from); nevertheless, one can argue that churches’ obsession with pairing off their members is correlated with their lack of concern for celibate single mature adults; that the two aspects go together, like two sides of a coin.

And she’s surely right that Christian marriages aren’t all hunky-dory in terms of couples’ sex lives; and that articles like that one are mostly agit-prop, for the purpose of promoting celibacy in singles (not that promoting celibacy for singles is a bad thing, but it shouldn’t be necessary to state anything other than ‘the Bible says sex outside of the institution of marriage is immoral, and therefore the church teaches that, and you must accept that if you wish to belong’.)

Anyway, it’s encouraging to see others outside of the manosphere who have also stumbled upon ‘Red Pill’ truths about society, in at least some regards.

*Update: I think ‘musicnote’ might be ‘christianpundit’, who seems similar, and links Christian Post, which ‘musicnote’ comments at, frequently. See my comment below. If so, shame she hates complementarians, manospherians, Calvinists, and blames all – not realizing, for instance, that Calvinists such as myself similarly hate, same as she does and as ‘musicnote’ does, the propaganda that Christian marriages are hunky-dory, etc.

I hope that in spite of our disagreements, that ‘christianpundit’ can see that, notwithstanding those, from what I agree with above in what ‘musicnote’ has said, whether or not that is the same person, that I actually have similar views in many things as her. It’s always too bad when people who have much in common end up alienated from each other, as I’ve discussed before.


6 responses to “What’s wrong with the ‘married Christians have better sex’ line of argumentation

  1. Will S.

    February 5, 2014 at 12:02 am

    While I’d like to see churches return to encouraging the faithful to marry young as they generally used to do, I think they also need to make room in their thoughts, prayers, and consideration, for single late-young / early-middle- age adults, as well. No reason why churches can’t do both.

  2. Will S.

    February 6, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    [–]pokll 1 point 3 days ago

    A 40 year old virgin who’s obsessed with Jesus is just as much of a creepy loser as a brony. At least most bronies are young enough to salvage their lives.

    No; it’s spergy axe-grinding atheist twits who are as much of losers as bronies, albeit not so creepy; just assholes.

  3. oogenhand

    February 8, 2014 at 7:04 am

    Reblogged this on oogenhand.

  4. Will S.

    March 6, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    I am wondering whether ‘musicnote’ is ‘christianpundit’:

    As they have much in common, seemingly – and ‘christianpundit’ links Christian Post, which ‘musicnote’ comments at.

    If so, I feel sorry for her, being lonely, hating the shape of men’s penises and thinking all women do (typical female solipsism), and hating us manospherians, seeing us as unchristian, instead of realizing we’re on the same side in several respects.

    Alas… Satan is a divider. And even when some of us reach out, we are rebuffed.


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