Christian men need to consider the modern realities about women in order to make a good choice. So this is another installement in snatching insightful wisdom from comments at Dalrock’s blog.
This is just anecdotal. I’ve known a lot of women who’ve talked about their sex lives — GFs, friends, friends of friends. I know two — TWO — women over the course of my 43 years who were virgins when they married. Just about every woman I know has a premarital sex history, and just about all of them admit to at least one pump & dump. (Bear in mind this is what they are willing to admit to.)
“And since a woman can get a much better short-term deal than long-term, they are now ruined for the men that they actually can get.”
I know women shouldn’t settle. I prefer to call the decisionmaking process in deciding on a spouse and whether to marry “compromising”. “Settling” to me means she gave up something but didn’t get something in return, i.e. she married a man she has no attraction for and really doesn’t love. She married him to get a man, or to get a babydaddy. See, she gave up herself, but her perception is that she didn’t really get anything back, or got back a lot less than she otherwise would have received.
In the realm of intergender relationships (and all of life, really), compromise is much better. When she compromises, she gives up something AND gets something of value in return. How well one can compromise depends on one’s bargaining position. In seeking marriage, for women that depends on looks and sex partner status (how slutty she is or isn’t). A woman who has not carouseled it is in a heightened bargaining position. The sluttier she is, the hotter she needs to be to strengthen her bargaining position. Conversely, if she is not hot, she better not have ridden a lot of horses.
The hierarchy probably looks like this:
1. Hot virgin
2. Hot slut
3. Homely virgin
4. Homely slut
(2 and 3 might be interchangeable depending on the man assessing her)
The hot virgin is in the best position to demand the best marriage partner (at least traditionally). She has the most to bargain with (and is usually quite acutely aware of this). The homely girl who gave it up for pump & dumps has little to offer so she is in the worst bargaining position.
The point is: In selecting spouses, one goes through a series of negotiations, so to speak, where some things are accepted, others discarded; some things are minor quibbles and others dealbreakers. There are a number of things a person must have in a spouse, and a number of traits that can be done without. The end product is a result of that compromise. The outcome depends on how much or how little you had to offer at the outset, and what your “dealbreaker” requirements are. No one gets every thing they wanted. But you have a better chance of getting what you wanted, or more of what you wanted, if you are at a good starting point.
From this we can see that sluts are hurting their negotiation starting points and making it much harder for them to compromise. They have to give up more and more to get anything. Many of them probably have to give up so much to get a man they are not compromising, but are “settling”. They are probably also pressuring their BFs into marriage with breakup ultimatums — “we’re getting married or I’m breaking up with you, and since you’re a beta, we all know you’ll be going for months with no sex if I break up with you.” So they get married. And this is how you know you’re dealing with a woman who knows she is running out of options and time.
Compromising is better than settling, but many women are putting themselves in the position of either “settle, or nothing”.