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Becoming a Patriarch

14 Apr

Hawaiian Libertarian is one of the three most important people in the field I would call “Marriage Game.” His article from over two years ago is his description of how to become a Patriarch.

His critical features to look for in a wife:

  • The Principle Feature of Female Sexuality is Hypergamy
  • Was she was raised in an intact, happy nuclear family?
  • Does she have a positive, respectful relationship with her Father?
  • Is she is younger than you?
  • Does she have a sense of moral awareness and justice? (read this for a full explanation!)
  • What are her life goals? Does she understand the realities of her own biological clock and the opportunity costs of pursuing the education/career track versus having children?
  • How does she manage money and credit?

But read the whole thing for the man who gave the world the seminal “Relationship Game Week: a Reader’s Journey.”

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33 Comments

Posted by on April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

33 responses to “Becoming a Patriarch

  1. samsonsjawbone

    April 14, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    I’ll have a look at HL’s article (I know him to be reasonable and wise), but off the bat I don’t agree that a wife being younger than you is “critical”. My wife is older than me. Many happy marriages throughout history have paired a man with a slightly older woman. (My hero Tolkien, for one…) As they say, you can’t help who you fall in love with!

     
  2. Svar

    April 14, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Samson, I think you are forgetting the three elements within the Trinity: Younger, Hotter, and Tighter. 😛

     
  3. katmandutu

    April 14, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Lol, Svar. The sooner you secure your young, hot and Catholic wife, the better I think. 😉

    There’ll be no time for blogging then, once you have a dozen kids. . Ha ha ha ha ha!

     
  4. Raman

    April 15, 2012 at 12:58 am

    I remember reading this ages ago, and I have to say… the idea of using game on someone who is supposed to be your wife just seems despicable, not to mention if you have to, well then you shouldn’t be marrying her.

    Game is only to be used on the “liberated” modern woman. If you can’t find any other kind of woman, then don’t marry her.

     
  5. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Most men who claim not to use Game are probably just doing it unconsciously. Or they are single. All Game is, is the way men used to behave before feminism borked them.

    I know what you mean about a good relationship with a father, but I would be a bit more realistic, and simply say, has a father.

    I would also add, is prepared to listen to you before she listens to her friends and family. Assuming you are a good guy, of course.

     
  6. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 2:42 am

    samson, what is your evidence that Tolkien had a happy marriage? There is some evidence that he did not.

    It may matter more to blokes like me, but what is her attitude to symbolism? Will she take your name, for example? If she makes a big fuss about patriarchal symbols and traditions, be wary.

     
  7. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Raman, most game is just simple masculine behavior. The same way how when a girl acts feminine and turns you on, acting like a man turns a woman on.

    You don’t really have to neg with most women. All women do shit-test, but according to my friend Cane Caldo, when a woman really loves and respects her man, she’ll shit-test under two different situations: 1) she’s on her period and 2) she’s reall, really bored.

    For the first situation, I would just stay away from her and ignore her when she’s being crazy

    For the second one, I’d just give her a hard pounding. It’ll cure her boredom right away.

    I do agree that having to run constant pimp-hand asshole game on a girl is tiresome and unnappealing. I wouldn’t marry a girl who expected me to act like that.

     
  8. freebird

    April 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

    But the constant pimp-hand asshole game is the most powerful,lessor game is just..beta!

     
  9. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Women shit test if they are uncertain, or are testing that you have not lost your balls.

    Truth is – women are desperate for a firm hand.

     
  10. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Whatever, Freebird. I could care less whether or not it’s alpha or beta. Not all women respond well to blatant assholery. In my experience, it’s mainly been the girls with severe Daddy’s issues who lap up that sort of behavior.

    For most normal girls the best strategy is a firm but gentle hand. Balance is key. Let her know that you’re in charge and that things are going to be done your way from now on. Just don’t be a jerk about it.

    Always remember to put the “dick” in benevolent dictator(h/t ElectricAngel).

     
  11. samsonsjawbone

    April 15, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    samson, what is your evidence that Tolkien had a happy marriage?

    Well, it’s hard to summarize a person’s life! I didn’t know the man, of course, but suffice it to say that his initial love, devotion and courtship of Edith Bratt; the feelings revealed in his personal letters; the fact that he modeled a romance in his mythos after his wife and he, going so far as to inscribe her fictional alter-ego’s name on her tombstone; from all these things and more, his love for his wife comes across quite strongly to me.

     
  12. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Tolkien was a fiction writer …

    There are hints in a few places in biographies of Tolkien and Lewis that the Tolkien marriage was not entirely happy. I can think of three passages that imply as much.

     
  13. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I still remember what Shakespeare had to say about being married to an older woman as well. He wasn’t very happy.

    That being said, that’s not always the case. Really though, it’s not a big deal if the girl’s a couple of years older.

     
  14. Keoni Galt

    April 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Thanks for the linkage and high praise EA…I think you’re giving me just a little bit too much credit. I’m just a guy who turned into the Average Married Chump and was absolutely clueless as to why we weren’t “living happily ever after.” Then I found ‘game’ on teh interwebz and grasped the big picture.

    (I know him to be reasonable and wise), but off the bat I don’t agree that a wife being younger than you is “critical”.

    Thanks Samson, remember that in that article, I was trying to offer advice to young men who were considering the idea of marriage and making a family.

    By advising them to seek younger, they already have a “head start” on being the leader of the relationship. That article was based on generalizations…there are certainly exceptions to the rule.

    The problem is men who will delude themselves that they’ve found such exceptions when she really isn’t, just presenting the facade of being exceptional. YMMV

     
  15. electricangel1978

    April 15, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    @David Collard,

    I know what you mean about a good relationship with a father, but I would be a bit more realistic, and simply say, has a father.

    I think you mean, has a Patriarch. I benefited from my FIL’s Patriarchal attitude in maintaining control with a firm hand. My wife will still occasionally ask me for permission to do things like go to the bathroom. I used to mock her for it, but after game, I know to grant permission, and encourage her in this minor act of submission. We’re both happier for it.

    OTOH, I know two girls from an intact family with a “beta” dad where dominance was not in evidence. One is divorced, one has a disordered marriage; both are shrewish ball-busters who are BEGGING for a man to put their lives in order.

     
  16. electricangel1978

    April 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    @HL,

    You have already saved one life, a distraught man who contacted me when his wife cheated on him while he was off on deployment (his son was out of control, and got arrested for a racist incident, too. Signs of severe disorder in that relationship.) He was going to kill himself, he left little doubt. He saw himself in “AMC,” and some paths out in “Relationship Game Week: a Reader’s Journey.”

    Rather than beg for her approval, he turned on the alpha. My last report was an improved situation; he now had “hand.” I do not know the outcome, but the ripples from the pebble you cast in the middle of the Pacific ocean reached far into the heartland. Papists talk of spiritual and corporal works of mercy, and I think you worked a two-fer here.

    I’m just a guy who turned into the Average Married Chump and was absolutely clueless as to why we weren’t “living happily ever after.” Then I found ‘game’ on teh interwebz and grasped the big picture.
    In 1999, the New York Times asked “What is New York the capital of now? ” (At the time, we had a few humble banners hanging from our streetlamps that read: “New York: Capital of the World.”) The number one answer, in my book: “Attitude.” I think the mission of New Yorkers to the world is to impart a bit of that attitude. There was no “just” about it, sir. Remember: discovery consists of seeing what everyone else has seen, and thinking what no one else has thought.

    If ever in New York, the grass-fed beef steak is on me!

     
  17. electricangel1978

    April 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    @Samson, DC,

    I must make mention here of Zmirak’s article on the Catholic virtue of Generosity. He uses Tolkien’s home life as the example of a generous spirit.

    Zmirak weighs in on the question of Edith:

    Tolkien became a daily communicant and a weekly confessor. He especially held the Eucharist in awe, as he made clear in a letter to his son:

    Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I put before you the one great thing to love on earth: the Blessed Sacrament… There you will find romance, glory, honour, fidelity, and the true way of all your loves upon earth, and more than that: Death: by the divine paradox, that which ends life, and demands the surrender of all, and yet by the taste (or foretaste) of which alone can what you seek in your earthly relationships (love, faithfulness, joy) be maintained, or take on that complexion of reality, of eternal endurance, which every man’s heart desires (The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien).

    Tolkien’s faith carried him through a lonely childhood, then through the squalid futility of the Battle of the Somme – where he saw three of his four closest friends die uselessly in the trenches. Tolkien’s dogged prayer life sustained him through a sometimes difficult, always tender marriage to Edith Tolkien. Their romance was the basis for the poetic love-story of Beren and Lúthien in The Silmarillion – a fact now carved on his and Edith’s tombstones.

     
  18. Keoni Galt

    April 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    You have already saved one life,

    There are times in which I’ve regretted writing so much over at Roissy’s, and than having him compile it all into that post that ended up gaining a sort of underground noteriety.

    I’ve also gotten a lot of attacks and criticisms over the contents of that post…and worst of all, a lot of people wrote nasty things and unfounded speculations about my wife. It really bothered me to read those things all over the place. It’s the main reason why I pretty much stopped commenting at the Chateau.

    I guess in the end, I’m glad it’s helped some people out of some very bad places, I suppose that makes it all worth it.

     
  19. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Keoni, I actually learned about your site thanks to Roissy. EA is right. You’ve done a good thing.

     
  20. samsonsjawbone

    April 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    @Svar:

    Really though, it’s not a big deal if the girl’s a couple of years older.

    Yes, I mean, I would say that a girl 2 years older is not “an older woman”. Anyhow, the point has been made.

    @Keoni:

    I guess in the end, I’m glad it’s helped some people out of some very bad places, I suppose that makes it all worth it.

    Thanks for stopping by, HL. I think you should take comfort in the fact that you will never know the magnitude of the difference you’ve made in people’s lives.

    @electricangel:

    Tolkien’s dogged prayer life sustained him through a sometimes difficult, always tender marriage to Edith Tolkien.

    To me this passage muddies rather than clarifies. Why was it “difficult” (did they not get along? Or was it financial difficulties?) yet always “tender” (whatever that means)?

     
  21. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Keoni, your linking to Fisheaters’ Garbage Generation in one of your articles is what set me on the path towards Catholicism and helped me realize why patriarchy is the best.

     
  22. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    samsonsjawbone, that passage joins the others I mentioned in creating a strong suspicion that Edith was a shrew.

    CS Lewis’ peculiarities have been canvasses by biographers, but Tolkien seems to be inviolable. One day, we may get a less fannish treatment.

    electricangel, yes. My wife does the asking permission thing. Mostly for small purchases. And she
    seems to follow her parents’ pattern with me. Even now I am retired, she still runs the laundry, for example. But her father was not a strong man, and rather hen-pecked. He had been an alcoholic and maybe that damaged his authority.

    We have some special difficulties in my household, and I have had to get tough to cope. I gamed my wife into a happy roadtrip on the weekend. Without understanding female psychology, that would have been impossible.

    Keoni’s piece was the most practical summation of married Game I ever read, and did me a power of good.

     
  23. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Another thing was that my wife went from her father’s house to mine.

    I don’t want to overstate this, but it helps if a prospective wife has a bit of a submissive bent. This is almost normal in such situations, and is a good sign. I mean that submission turns her on a bit.

     
  24. David Collard

    April 15, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Should be “canvassed” above. AN Wilson was very blunt about Lewis’ oddities.

     
  25. Svar

    April 15, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    “Keoni’s piece was the most practical summation of married Game I ever read, and did me a power of good.”

    You learned from Keoni? Hah! I learned alot from you!

     
  26. slumlord

    April 16, 2012 at 12:09 am

    here are times in which I’ve regretted writing so much over at Roissy’s, and than having him compile it all into that post that ended up gaining a sort of underground noteriety.,/i>

    Don’t.

    I’ve pointed more than a few men towards your direction Dave. I’ve even had women ask me to give their husbands the advice that you’ve laid out in your posts. No shit.

    Roissy’s good, but too many men see him as a single man’s mentor. You’re much better from the married man’s point of view. Especially the one who wants to stay married.

     
  27. samsonsjawbone

    April 17, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    samsonsjawbone, that passage joins the others I mentioned in creating a strong suspicion that Edith was a shrew.

    Well, I am not convinced. What other passages do you have in mind?

     
  28. Matthew

    April 17, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    samsonsjawbone, there’s a fairly straightforward, red-pillish interpretation for these factoids about Tolkien’s marriage. I won’t claim it’s the truth, or even truthy, because I don’t actually know any of the facts about the man’s real life; I’d never heard his wife’s name until this thread.

    factoid: “sometimes difficult, always tender”

    interpretation: she was difficult, he treated her tenderly nonetheless

    factoid: “Their romance was the basis for the poetic love-story of Beren and Lúthien”

    interpretation: They were unequally yoked from her point of view. Luthien was an immortal princess, Beren only a man.

     
  29. OffTheCuff

    April 17, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Svar:”For the first situation, I would just stay away from her and ignore her when she’s being crazy. For the second one, I’d just give her a hard pounding. It’ll cure her boredom right away.”

    You have experience in this matter? Thought you were unmarried.

     
  30. David Collard

    April 17, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Just hints here and there, which a married man notices wryly. You have to realise that the English, and their biographers, are reserved.

    To itemise. Lewis writes of swapping laments about their domestic situation. Lewis’ was difficult, but he writes that Tolkien’s was worse. In another place, Tolkien writes that it is hard to get what he wants without “fuss”, a euphemism for a tantrum from his wife no doubt. English understatement. A biographer writes that Edith and Tolkien slept in different bedrooms. The excuse, if I recall, was that Tolkien snored. Well, so do I, but my wife still wants to sleep with me.

     
  31. Svar

    April 18, 2012 at 3:18 am

    No, OTC, I do not have experience in that matter. That was advice from a married man. I tend to listen to the advice of men older and more experienced than I.

     
  32. Svar

    April 18, 2012 at 3:21 am

    And no, OTC, I know that you like to find hypocrites who do not practice what they preach, but I have not committed fornication nor do I intend to.

     
  33. samsonsjawbone

    April 18, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    To itemise. Lewis writes of swapping laments about their domestic situation. Lewis’ was difficult, but he writes that Tolkien’s was worse. In another place, Tolkien writes that it is hard to get what he wants without “fuss”, a euphemism for a tantrum from his wife no doubt. English understatement. A biographer writes that Edith and Tolkien slept in different bedrooms. The excuse, if I recall, was that Tolkien snored. Well, so do I, but my wife still wants to sleep with me.

    Well, I have a few books on Tolkien, but not his biography, which I suppose I will have to obtain. Maybe here another pretty lie perishes.

     

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