Open thread: how should we respond, as partriarchal traditionalists / manospherians, to the occasion known as Valentine’s Day?
Some say we should boycott it altogether; others say we should insist on mutuality if in a relationship. In times past, some people subverted it delightfully, with insulting, rude ‘Valentine’s’ known as “vinegar valentines“; I once saw a hilarious one which said:
Your eyes are crossed,
Your knees are knocked;
I kind of like you,
When I’m crocked
I found a hilarious anti-suffragist one:
But anyway, what to do with Valentine’s Day? Subvert it, boycott it, insist on mutuality – or just give in to the cultural tradition and celebrate it the way most do?
Thoughts?
Carnivore
February 14, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I bought a chocolate bar – for myself.
Rusty Shackleford
February 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Celebrate it the way the holiday got started… by getting married.
I think celebrating it is fine, but I definitely am fully and 100% against the cheapening ridiculous consumerist expectations that people, mainly men, have foisted upon them. No insanely marked up flowers, no ridiculously expensive but thoughtless gifts.
Cooking a meal for someone is always a great way to show them you care about them (especially if you have some impressive culinary skills). Dropping $150+ dollars at an expensive, crowded restaurant, to me, shows a lack of personal investment in a relationship.
Carnivore
February 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Joking aside, I think Welmer’s take (mutuality) is reasonable. Why shouldn’t there be a day set aside to couples expressing their mutual love and exchanging a small or reasonable token of their affection? (Under the rough exterior, I must be a romantic.)
Chris
February 14, 2012 at 1:26 pm
Ignore it. Leave it to the Yanks.
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm
@ Carnivore: Ha!
@ Rusty: Hey, if you have someone, why not get engaged or married that day?
I like your idea of handmade gifts, etc. I understand that back in the day, handmade Valentine’s were more common, with people writing their own verses.
@ Carnivore: Yeah, I incline towards that, myself. I don’t know why it ended up becoming all about ‘her’ alone, as it has…
@ Chris: Is it not observed in NZ? It is here in Canada, just as in America…
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm
BTW, I couldn’t find a picture of the old ‘penny dreadful’ or ‘vinegar Valentine’ that I quoted, but I did find an interesting reference of it in an article from 1951, here.
Lookee there; even back in 1951, white-knighters were bemoaning that “Let’s face it: Men aren’t what they used to be.” But at least he recognized the unchanging nature of women: “But women haven’t changed a bit.”, and he quoted a female vinegar Valentine from 1867:
‘Up to the age-old sport of sticking hatpins into the male ego’, indeed – ouch!
Elspeth
February 14, 2012 at 1:54 pm
We celebrate it with our kids, complete with heart-shped pancakes for breakfast and trading homemade Valentines over dinner.
The husband and I mostly skip it because it seems so artificial and manipulative. The fact that we have an anniversary next week makes it easier to skip it, but I have long decided not to make my husband feel pressured to shower me with commercially inspired love just because it’s February 14th.
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 2:06 pm
I like your attitude and approach, Elspeth. My parents did similar sorts of things for me when I was a kid, and at school, kids exchanged Valentines with each other, up until around we began to notice the opposite sex as such, when such became awkward / actual signs of semi-romantic affection. I seem to remember giving Valentines to my female teachers; but then, I remember how crushed I was when my first or third-grade teacher got married, lol…
Yeah, that’s the thing; I have no objection to the idea of Valentine’s Day as it no doubt was more or less originally intended (I of course mean the romantic occasion, not the Saint day), but it indeed has become too commercialized and overtaken by the princess mentality, and I want no part of that.
Cranberry
February 14, 2012 at 3:21 pm
My oldest daughter and I made valentines for Daddy and the baby this morning during her craft time. My husband loves to eat – period. When asked what food is his weakness, he replies “food.” So I didn’t go crazy making anything special, except fresh pierogi, of which I must set aside a few for myself if I hope to get any at dinner tonight.
We have never celebrated with gifts or dinners. Isn’t being in love in and of itself enough? It’s called a “Hallmark holiday” precisely because it is a created one (in the sense that it is about celebrating something we should celebrate every day, if we’re lucky enough to know love in our lives).
Last year, while going through the calendar and marking important dates, holidays, and birthdays, I realized that we go for very, very short periods of time between feast days, secular celebrations, and state holidays. Every month has at least one if not more days devoted to some reason to go out for a big meal, have a party, buy cards and gifts, get drunk, or take a day off of work (sometimes all of these at one time).
I recall something I read in a collection of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s post-Little House writings, collected in an anthology called Little House In The Ozarks. She wrote about how she used to make Manly (her diminutive for Almanzo) cakes and pies and cookies and special meals all the time, when they were first married and settled in their Ozark home. After a time, he stopped eating so much because the food was too much, too rich, and too frequent. Laura said she started to make more simple food, and to only save the rich food and sweets for the odd holiday or birthday. Manly appreciated the pies much more when he didn’t have them all of the time, and looked forward to Laura’s pulling out the stops when the holidays arrived. The lesson: we celebrate too much, so much so that we cannot differentiate the special from the super-special from the divinely awesomely special. We are drowning in partying and celebrating, we are drunk on treats and gifts. Hence the hysteria to prove our love with gifts and chocolate: ordinary shows of affection are lost in the glitter of our constant party.
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 3:34 pm
@ Cranberry: I agree, much as what Elspeth says in her linked blog post (see above comment) from a year ago, that if you love each other, why should any one day be singled out for expressing that, more than any other day? And indeed, too much celebration can indeed cheapen the occasion of celebrating itself.
Ulysses
February 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm
Mostly ignore it. The wife gave me a suggestive card and, assuming she doesn’t have a headache, we’ll get frisky tonight. (Not playing to the old joke. She’s pregnant and all the extra hormones cycling around give her headaches.)
I once have a classic ’70s soul cd and a copy of the Kama Sutra. That was a fun gag gift that stayed in line with the spirt of the day.
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Hey, sounds good!
Elspeth
February 14, 2012 at 5:04 pm
She’s pregnant
That is great, Ulysses. Congratulations, sir.
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Yes, congrats, Ulysses!
Svar
February 14, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Congrats, man!
CL
February 14, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Why shouldn’t there be a day set aside to couples expressing their mutual love and exchanging a small or reasonable token of their affection?
I believe that’s called an anniversary. Just don’t forget….
Will S.
February 14, 2012 at 9:41 pm
@ CL: Ha! That’s a great idea, apart from one potential problem: entitlement princess mentality chicks will think, “Oh good; now I only have to do that once a year!”
Kathy
February 15, 2012 at 12:31 am
Lol.. You crack me up Will.
Will S.
February 15, 2012 at 1:23 am
@ Kathy: Thanks.
But amirite? We’re at war with feminism; can’t give feminist bitches an inch! (No pun intended. Well, okay; maybe a little – pun; not an inch, though.)
ray
February 15, 2012 at 2:55 am
Carnivore I bought a chocolate bar – for myself.
i bought a chocolate bar for you, but i ate it
Kathy
February 15, 2012 at 8:26 am
http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2012/02/happy-valentines-lay.html
Truly, this kind of seemingly contrived stuff makes me cringe..
Keep it to yourself! Please! I implore you.
“I’ll bring my penis” ????
Argh! That’s not even funny.
An Unmarried Man
February 15, 2012 at 9:55 am
Well, another has come and gone
V-day is always such a joy. [snark off]
The day in and of itself does not bother me. It’s what our culture of blind conformity and consumerism does to it that tires me. It’s a Hallmark bloodbath. If you can find a good woman, she will not care about all the bells and whistles Kay Jewelers tries to sell. Spending the simplest time together is all she will ask for.
Will S.
February 15, 2012 at 10:26 am
Agreed, David. That’s the challenge, of course; finding such a woman.
CL
February 15, 2012 at 12:12 pm
@ Will
I know right? “I don’t believe in blow jobs.” He should have said, “I’ve seen them; I know they exist.”
Will S.
February 15, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Exactly! LOL…
Svar
February 15, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Looks like Proph linked to us: http://collapsetheblog.typepad.com/blog/2012/02/valentines-day-and-the-far-right.html
Will S.
February 16, 2012 at 8:08 am
Cool.